The Following is a leaked text thread between two unidentified White House Officials.
Lil Handy: We need to get Sessions out of here
BCarsDaily: Is it because of the Russian thing?
Lil Handy: No it’s because he looks like a possum and he’s annoying as fuck
BCarsDaily: I know right? He keeps talking about how great Alabama is
Lil Handy: If it’s so fucking great why doesn’t any one ever go there?
BCarsDaily: All of his stories are about Nick Saban, and how he met Nick Saban once, I feel bad because I don’t know who that is
Lil Handy: He’s the guy that created Power Rangers
Lil Handy: ?
BCarsDaily: Oh sorry I’m in a surgery and I dropped my phone. Just a sec
Lil Handy: Have you ever eaten a meal with the guy? He takes for fucking ever to finish.
BCarsDaily: K driving now, I try not to have too many conversations with him.
Lil Handy: Because he smells like death?
BCarsDaily: No he keeps cornering me and asking me a bunch of questions about affirmative action
Lil Handy: What kind of questions
BCarsDaily: He usually asks me if I think it’s fair and then he rambles about times when a better candidate didn’t get the job because of affirmative action.
Lil Handy: Why?
BCarsDaily: He’s from Alabama
Lil Handy: What if I let him go after affirmative action?
BCarsDaily: Then people would hate him
Lil Handy: Yeah I know, I was asking if that would be okay.
BCarsDaily: You’re the man in charge
Lil Handy: I meant would that be okay. . .with you?
BCarsDaily: Are you asking all of the cabinet members this?
Lil Handy: No, why would I?