How to Make Your Minority Friend Feel Welcome PT 2: Social Situations

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We’ve already established how to make a minority friend. Now you need to know how to act around your standard white friends while your minority friends are around. Before we jump into that

Fair Warning: There is a slight chance that if you are not careful your minority friend will find out that you only became friends with them to not seem racist. While your friend may be mad at you, make sure to tell them “At first, yes that was the reason, but then I actually became friends with you and I really like having you as a friend.” Your friend will still feel betrayed, and he/she will probably run away. Give them time, and then meet up with them at the next dance. Once the DJ plays your bonding song, go make things right and dance it out.

We’ve already established that telling people you have minority friends is not enough. It’s always better to show than to tell. Which is why my friend Steve did not say “We had a baby boy” he sent me a video of his son, tearing through Sandy’s (Steve’s wife) birth canal and destroying the bridge between Sandy’s birth-hole and bum-hole.

Which is why it’s important during hangouts, to insist on stopping whatever the fuck you are doing, to take a picture. Post the pictures on social Media but be cool about it, you can’t just have a picture with your Indian friend with a tag line that says “Yeah, I’m down with the brown, so what?” That’s too in-your-face.

If efficiency is your thing you can try hanging out with all your minority friends all at once, but be careful. There still has to be more white people than minorities, otherwise you become the minority. Even though it might feel nice to feel their struggle for a short while, the internet hates it when white people talk about being a minority. Not to mention, minorities do not like hearing about white people being discriminated against. Rightfully so, when white people are discriminated against their issue gets a fast pass to the front of the social-justice-line.

Grouping your minority friends together is good way to let your friends know that you’re not racist, all the while, you can ask a bunch of racist questions like

“If someone is black and Pakistani do you get to call them Blackistani?”

“So when did you learn english? I know you were born here, why does that matter?”

“Am I the only one that wants to touch your hair?”

“Am I the only one that didn’t get free college?”

When your white friends meet your non-white friends, give them time to go through the same process you went through in part 1. Asking about culture, religion, dietary restrictions etc etc. Once your friends are no longer worried about being offensive, they’ll go back to their natural offensive state.

JOKES

Jokes are great and they bring people together. However, if one of your friends makes a racially charged joke. It may be hilarious, but you don’t want to offend your minority friend by laughing. Take these steps.

Start staring aggressively at your minority friend, if they are laughing you can laugh. If they are not laughing then just smile and stare at them to find a reaction. This shows your friend that you care about their feelings, you know they’re offended, and they have the floor to retaliate. If your friend says nothing because they’ve “heard that one before,” they’re just being shy. Take control of the room by pointing out how offensive that joke is to “everyone” and how you don’t personally feel that way. Wait for the mood to get better and people to calm down. Then give your friend a quick glance that says “I got you.”

Finally

A group setting is a better time to say outlandish shit and not worry about immediate judgement. Use this to your advantage. Ask your minority friends about racist moments you’ve had in your life and verify whether or not you were being racist. If they say yes, then apologize to your minority friend and they will relate the apology to all of their people. As you know, being a minority means you get to be the spokes person for an entire race of people.

 

 

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