Chris Christie Will Eat Your Face

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Governor Chris Christie felt the need to give his side of the story in regards to a face to face confrontation he had with a Cubs fan. I didn’t listen to what Governor Christie had to say, because I figured making up my own explanation would make more sense and be closer to the truth.

Christie is currently the chair on the commission to combat the war on drugs. Since the war on drugs began, drugs has been winning handily. Like Lance Armstrong in all of those races where he was on drugs. The task of fighting a losing war can be daunting, Christie knows that in order for him to defeat his enemy, he must first understand his enemy. His primary enemy is opioids.

Christie has clearly never touched an opioid because heroin addicts are skinny as fuck. He would have to be creative and figure out, “what is my opioid?” The obvious answer is food.
opiodsSea Isle City Promenade




Chris Christie fucking loves himself some good eating. Remember when he spent 82k at Jets and Giants games? Which was over 58 occasions and came out to around $1400 worth of food per game. So how does this explain Christie’s face to face interaction with a Cubs fan?

Similar to a heroin addict who tries to find any excuse to shoot up. Christie is constantly looking for an excuse to eat. When he heard that heckler he got nice and close to him, so he could smell his next meal. Then he realized that he needs to learn how to deal with his food addiction, and he did, by stepping away from the young man. If he was actually mad he would have done something like this.

The heckler was in the wrong as well. It is inappropriate to heckle people in public. The proper etiquette is to take a photo of the Governor, post the photo on social media, verbally shit on the Governor, and let the comments do the rest.

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