Trans-Trump: Interpretation is Key

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The President recently came out with a “ban” on Transgender service-people in the American military. Which could mean that Transgender service-people would not be allowed to service in the armed forces, and possibly be discharged from the armed forces for the sole purpose of being a Transgender person. I have interpreted this message differently.

Interpretation is everything. For example, in the Bible there’s that thing about not lying in bed with a man the way you’d lay with a woman. To a lot of homophobic folks out there, that means that you’re not supposed to be gay. To me, all that means is that butt-fucking is for men only. Do not butt-fuck women. They do not have prostates, as a result, they receive little to no pleasure from butt-fucking. Have you ever met a woman who liked being butt-fucked? If you have, that you’ve met a liar. Have you ever met lesbians who wanted to strap on a dildo to peg each other? Probably not. Even in professionally produced adult-entertainment-pornography the women can’t fake-enjoy anal. Not to mention, the Bible is super sexist and it shouldn’t be surprising that they wanted to give men one more right than they give women. With that being said, this is how I interpret the Transgender ban.

The system I used to come to my conclusion is the “Glenn Beck I don’t know what the fuck words mean so I’m going to change the meaning to suit me” system that he famously used to call our former President a Nazi.

Trump probably thinks Transgender means transitioning to another gender. He does not want service-people to be transitioning, he wants them to be transitioned. If your birth gender is a man, and you transition to a woman, and you identify as a woman, then you’re a woman. You would no longer be Transgender because you would just be gender. Your gender would be female. The reasonable solution to Trumps “ban” on Transgender service people is to transition them to a gender of their choosing. Once they are transitioned, they will have one less thing to worry about when they’re on a deployment fucking up our foreign enemies. Everyone wins.

Alternatively, Trump could have been watching one of the “Transformers” films. He strikes me as a big “Transformers” guy. He was probably worried about the Decepticons infiltrating our ranks. He wanted to tweet about it, his phone auto-corrected itself because of all the back and forth texts him and Mooch have been having. He posted it, and he can’t delete because then he looks like an asshole. So he has to take some shit for offending a group of people that have been marginalized their whole lives until he marginalizes a new group of people and everyone forgets.

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