Proper Social Etiquette For When Tragedy Strikes

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The first thing you need to do when you hear news about a tragedy is immediately use all forms of social media to assuage any of your followers fears that, yes, you are indeed thinking about people affected by the tragedy.

Unless there is another Tragedy that the news is not giving any attention to, in which case make a social media post about how much worse it is for this tragedy that is not getting any attention. Everyone is just a moth, buzzing to the brightest, grabbiest event while you’re one of the few with a finger still on humanity’s pulse. Throw the question back on the audience and sermonize how everyone should question their definition of tragedy.

With this obligatory tragedy-response post behind you, you can return to your day and bask in self-satisfaction of knowing you’re better than other people you know.

We would not advise trying to help any of the people affected by this tragedy. You’ve already done enough. You’re not a professional Tragedy aid, and even though it’s a Tragedy, it’s not your problem. Helping people directly isn’t needed; you’ve already helped them indirectly by raising the point on your social media that tragedies are bad.

Similar to how if there is a building on fire, all you have to do is call the fire department. You could totally run in and save everyone and do it way better than the fire department, in fact you might be able to give them a few pointers.

The only training you need is to watch the movie “Backdraft” or two to three episodes of “Rescue Me.” But once again, this isn’t your problem, and you’re not getting paid to save people.

If you insist on helping people affected by a tragedy, you better move fast. Odds are, by the time you get work off to go help, the Government will have already fixed everything. Whatever you do, do not donate any money. As you know, all charities are scams. They are used for Tax write offs, funding terrorism, and to employ rich people’s Children. The only Charities that we recommend are the Susan G Komen foundation (because you need to show women you respect them) the Wounded Warrior Project (Because you need to let people know you care about the troops) and Yele Haiti (this will show people that you care about Haiti and let everyone know that you listen to Wyclef, which will make you cool.)
The best way to highlight this is by posting pictures on social media of all the work you’ve done, and making several posts about how more people need to help. Make sure to bring up the work you’ve done but in a way where you’re not bragging. Granted, you’ve probably out worked every one else there and a reward is deserved, you can’t bring up that you deserve an award. That’s too tacky, just hint that you deserve an award.

The best way to highlight your efforts without seeming as if you’re bragging is by positing a picture of some work that you did that day, with the tag-line of “There’s still a lot more work that needs to be done for these people.”Before posting the picture make sure that the photographer takes several photos of you working so you have a few to choose from. Add in a filter to show people you understand photography (and to make you look better.) The photos should be posted in the following sequence; Photo of damage, same photo of damage but edited to give you a close up, photo of you working, photo of you having fun with other workers, photo of you blocking the camera, photo of children, photo of progress on damage, photo of you working later in the day, the same photo of damage but at night time.

Be cautious of when you decide to start your social media campaign that shows how awesome you are. You should post these photos a couple of days before you go home. If you post the photos and the comments on the first or second day, you won’t be able to get any work done because people will be lining up to suck your dick constantly. By posting the album a couple of days before you get home, it gives your home town time to get a parade or small award ceremony together as well as you time to schedule your upcoming blow jobs. Let everyone know that they’ll get the chance to suck your dick, but they have to be patient. Pepper in a phrase about how patient you were when you were helping those people affected by tragedy, this will keep them salivating. You should schedule your upcoming week of blowies based on age and attractiveness. The younger and hotter ones get to go first because they are usually the worst, but they’re young and hot which means they should always be first.

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